Anger Management

Bureacracy Demanded WMD Focus

This Reuters story cites a Vanity Fair interview with Deputy Defense Secretary Paul D. Wolfowitz:

Wolfowitz, seen as one of the most hawkish figures in the Bush administration's policy on Iraq, said President Saddam Hussein's alleged cache of chemical, biological and possibly nuclear weapons was merely one of several reasons behind the decision to go to war.

"For bureaucratic reasons, we settled on one issue, weapons of mass destruction, because it was the one reason everyone could agree on," Wolfowitz was quoted as saying in Vanity Fair magazine's July issue. ...

Wolfowitz said another reason for the invasion had been "almost unnoticed but huge" -- namely that the ousting of Saddam would allow the United States to remove its troops from Saudi Arabia, where their presence had long been a major al Qaeda grievance.

"Just lifting that burden from the Saudis is itself going to open the door" to a more peaceful Middle East, Wolfowitz was quoted as saying.

So, why couldn't you just bring 'em home, guys?

My father, who serves as my conscience on the right, says there was more to Wolfowitz's statemenr, specifically a "but" clause that reiterated the adminstration's belief that the weapons did in fact exist. I can't find the full statement anywhere. When I do, I'll amend this article. I've already pulled the link and quote from a Helen Thomas column to the more complete Reuters given above.

A Salute and a River Basin

I love computer language translation. It can be so eerily inept.

I received some spam today with a probably virus laden attachment
from "stella@email.it" The body of the message had this:

---------------------------
* * * E N G L I S H * * *
---------------------------
Watched the demonstrative preview of the scherzetto " Spiral-fantastic "

then

you start the application that virtually you distoglie the sight from
the images common in order to deform all I have there that watched
subsequently for 1-2 min.

Truly fantastic, it sure deserves to make to turn the knowing friends
and.

You do not have fear, is only an innocent game that has but its
unexpected implications. Yeah, I'll bet! - ed.

A salute and a river basin from Stella.

Masterful Brushoff

I received the following chain letter on a mailing list I belong to. I liked it so much, I wrote the reply that follows.

Dear Mastercard,

What can I say? We've been through alot together. I remember meeting you
when I was only 19. You were sitting there, all discretly in the post, with
those gleaming rates peeping out from your foggy envelope window. You were
smitten, you told me how responsible I seemed, what a great fit we'd be, and
you were willing to go all the way right away. I've never been so caught off
guard, and yet so comfortable.

And you treated me right. You bought me a nice new bed, and didn't mind if I
saw other girls. God, I loved that space. You were so reliable, like a
regular booty call. But we both know it was more, so much more. I became
dependent on you. And you never let me down.

You even bought meals and drinks for my other dates. Steadfastly knowing
that I'd be back, usually by the end of the month. I love you MasterCard.
You took me to Europe and Mexico. You took me to concerts, and bought me cds
and clothes, I didn't even have to ask. Just a glance and you were there.

But then you became testy, and then down right obsessed. Your notes, while
seemingly charming, were unsettling. I sent my regards whenever I could, but
you always wanted more. And you'd throw it back in my face. I couldn't do
for you they way you did for me. Rather, you wanted more. And you never let
up.

Well MasterCard, I want you to know that I wrote you AGAIN today- and this
was the last time. We're even now, I don't owe you a thing. And having
achieved this balance, I think its best we see other people.

You've been great, just not what I need or am looking for at this time.

I hope you understand, I'm sure you'll be okay, but you just want too much.
I can walk away, now, knowing I did you right. I'll miss you, but there just
no good reason to continue.

Goodbye, MasterCard. Thanks for understanding.

Your friend,

Brian

Dear Brian,

Honey, how can you treat me this way? After all we've been through, you
brush me off with a check and a Dear John! Despite everything, I want
you to know it was NEVER about the money. (I know I said so. Please
forgive me. I was upset.) You ARE the most responsible consumer I've
ever known. I understand about being late. I FORGIVE you. Please don't
dump me like this! I don't want to put any more pressure on you, but
the bank says I'm pregnant. How am I supposed to take care of a litter
of little smart as^H^Hcards without those interest payments?

Please take me back. Only 9% for the first three months, Darling!

Your Mistress

From the comments section (ljl), Brian responds

Dear Mastercard,

No, darling, it's over. I've taken up with Visa, but only as a flirtation with her check card business. When you started flirting and playing with those collectors like RMA, it was over between us.

Brian

And a final(?) response from Mastercard

Dear Brian,

VISA!!? That, that .. BITCH!

How could you let yourself be fooled by her come-on??

Brian, she's a cheap, no-good whore. I mean it! She's been in more ATMs than a banker's got points. Besides that, her introductory rates are only good for six weeks! I give you a whole three months, baby! Listen, I can make it last longer if I try hard enough. How does six whole months of, I don't know, 8% sound? Drop that tawdry bit of plastic and come home to ME! It'll be .. priceless!

Misty

Percent Difference

Tom Delay, quoted on CNN

"Fifty-six percent of Texas voters cast their vote for a Republican congressional candidate last fall, yet Texas sends more Democrats than Republicans to Congress. We're trying to change that," he said.

Gee, Tom, did you notice the percentage numbers for the last presidential election? Fair's fair. 8)

Limerical Parable

There once was a frog named Chirac
Who lived perched on top of a croc
Since the croc was all thumbs
Chirac scooped up the crumbs
That were left from devouring Iraq

Sounds Sorta Like God

Adam Sohn, product manager for Microsoft's Passport group, quoted on C|Net's news.com , commenting on whether they should have caught the trivial crack in Passport's change password process:

"Of course we should have caught it; we should catch every
(issue)," he said. "That's what you are working toward. We are
always looking. There is not a beginning or end to this kind of effort."

No end, good. No beginning, bad.

Anger Management Logo

Anger Management now has a new logo.

Courtesy of an unknown graffiti artist from Oxnard, and Paint Shop Pro.

Anger and Shame

Rereading the previous post, I'm struck by something

My anger seems to flare in proportion to the amount of my own stupidity that got me into the situation. This is not a new insight for me. But reading between the lines of the AOL agents's statements, I get the impression that that's what they were doing too. This could just be me projecting my own thoughts onto others, but maybe not. The supervisor clung to his defense of his "best rep" far longer than would be wise from a customer service perspective. Of course, these two didn't seem like really bright bulbs anyway.

AOL Anger

I have a problem with anger. Like today for example. I was looking over my bank statement and saw a charge from AOL.

Now, I signed up over four years ago, I'm ashamed to say, and I've never used the account. I'm even more ashamed to say that I've let those *ahem* people charge me every month for the service for all that time. Well, now I'm unemployed, and I decided to do something about it. I heard that they had a new broadband service that had all sorts of cool Time/Warner content, so the first thing I thought of was giving that a whirl before I shut down the account. I tried to remember my screen name and log in via www.aol.com. No joy.

So I called the 800 number and navigated the voice mail to the forgotten password help. After listening to a long recorded explanation of how to change my password if I had my screen name and the AOL software, I got a helpful lady on the line. I explained the situation, and she was able to call up my account using my credit card number. Next she needed the address associated with the account. I told her I wasn't sure, but that I thought it was an old Oceanside address, which I gave her.

AOL : "What about the ZIP code?"

Me: "I don't have that."

AOL:"I'm sorry, but I can't give you your screen name without the ZIP code."

Me:"Well, this was four years ago, and I'm lucky I remember the address"

AOL:"Don't you have it written down?"

Now, I was ambivilant about using AOL anyway, and I didn't want to go digging into my records to find this information.

Me:'Nope. What can I do?"

AOL:"Well, you can cancel the account."

Me:"Don't they need the ZIP code?"

AOL:"No."

Me: "Does it make business sense that I can cancel my account using my credit card number, but I can't stay your customer with it?"

AOL:"They don't have to give out personal information in order to cancel."

Me:"What?"

AOL:"The screen name."

Me:"Oh, I guess that makes sense.."

So, back to the voice mail system. I spent a short while on hold this time, enough to remember that they don't make it easy to cancel." Finally, I get connected.

AOL:"Hi, this is Steve. How may I make your online experience even better today?"

Me:"Well, Steve, I'm afraid I want to cancel my online experience."

Steve:"Oh, that's too bad. May I ask why?'

Me:"Well, I haven't used it in four years."

Steve:"OK, then. What was the address associated with the account?"

Me:"Well, I've had four addresses in the last four years. I can give you the credit card number."

So I give it to him. He repeats it back to me. Soon he says:

Steve:"No, I can't seem to find that number."

Me:"Well, they could look it up at the forgotten password desk."

Steve:"Really? How did they do that?'

Me:"I don't know."

Steve:"Well, I can't seem to find it. What was the address on the account?"

An explanation of why I didn't have the ZIP code ensued. Apparantly that stumped Steve, too.

Steve:"Well, I can't help you without that information."

Me:"OK. Let me talk to your supervisor."

Steve:"The easiest thing would be to call your credit card company and have them stop paying."

Me:"It's not a payment. It's a charge."

Steve:"What?"

Me:"I never authorized a payment. You charge my credit card every month."

I didn't add that they change the expiry date every year to boot.

Steve:"Well I don't see how that matters.."

Me:"It means that you have my credit card number, somewhere. Let me talk to your supervisor."

Steve:"He'd just tell you the same thing. What was that number again?"

So I let him check the number again.

Steve:'Nope. Still can't find it. Are you sure you don't have that ZIP code?"

Me:"Stop stonewalling and let me talk to your supervsor."

Steve:"I'm not stonewalling. I'm trying to help.."

Me:"But you can't help. Please escalate the call."

Steve:"He's on the other line.."

Me:"I'll wait."

Steve:"You keep interrupting me.."

Me:"Because you're stonewalling. They must really come down on you if you escalate."

Steve:"No, as a matter of fact they don't.."

Me:"Then please let me talk to your supervisor!"

Steve:"You keep interrupting. I'm just trying to help.."

Me:"*gargle* *sputter* Now look, you can't help me! You've tried, and you can't do it. Please just accept that and let me talk to your supervisor!

Steve:"What was that number again? I may have mistyped it."

Me:"I DON"T WANT YOU TO TRY AGAIN!! I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR FUCKING SUPERVISOR!!"

Steve:"I don't need to listen to that sort of language."

Me:"Ahhh. You were waiting for that! Any excuse to shunt the call into the bit bucket."

I neglected to mention that I'm a bit paranoid, too.

Steve:"No, I'm trying to help..

Me: "Gaaahhh.. What was your first name?"

Steve:"My name is Steve."

Me:"Now look, Steve. you can't help me! You've looked up the number twice..

Steve:"Three times."

Me:".. three times. And you aren't getting a different result. So PLEASE LET ME TALK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR!"

Steve:"I wish you wouldn't shout.

Ten more minutes of simliar dialog ensued before his supervisor got on the line. (After a short time on hold).

Supe:"Hi, this is ___ how may I make your online experience even better today?"

Me:"I want to cancel."

Supe:"Yess, and I see you've been dealing with my best rep, Steve.."

Me:"Yes, and he's been stonewalling.."

Supe:"..and I see you haven't been using your account for the past four.. er.. three months. That's all the further back I can look."

His disingenuous smile slid slimely out my cell phone.

Me:"So, you've got my account up!"

Supe:"Yes.."

Me:"And Steve couldn't bring it up.."

Supe:"Yes, he was correct in telling you he couldn't.."

Me:"I want to complain.."

Supe:"Please stop interrupting me! He was correct in telling you he couldn't look up your account. I used some higher access codes to retrive you information."

Me:"I want to complain.."

Supe:"Now if you could just tell me why you want to leave AOL.."

Me:"I WANT TO COMPLAIN! ARE YOU READY TO LISTEN??"

Supe:

Me:"Hello?"

Supe:"Yes."

Me:"I have been trying for twenty minutes to get Steve to escalate the call to you."

Supe:"He was correct in.."

Me"Stop! LISTEN!"

Supe:

Me:"He couldn't access my account information"

Supe:"Yes.."

Me:"The moment we determined that I asked that he escalate the call. He stonewalled for fifteen minutes. You get on the line and fix the problem in under three minutes."

Supe:"He doesn't have access to.."

Me:"Graggggh!"

I finally got him to sit still and listen to why I was pissed off. I then sat through a set of questions intended to figure out why I was leaving. I told him (truthfully, and with relish,) that I was leaving because the change password desk couldn't give me my screen name. I also told him (less truthfully, but with more relish) that I would never consider coming back because of the way I had been treated just now. This was not true because the real reason is that they suck.

He then offered to give me three months .. pause .. of free AOL for the trouble I'd been through. (I know for a fact that he could have offerred me a three month refund.) I said "No! I want you guys off my credit card bill!"

Well, I am now an ex-AOL customer. I feel so.. drained!