Hot off the presses at a local bar's mailing list, comes this:
A little fact that has been suppressed for over twenty
years is that there were actually two shooters on that
dark day in March, 1981, when it was almost Bedtime for
Bonzo. Buford Spleen, an unemployed pipefitter and television
addict, sought to assassinate the president because he had
the hots for Kristy McNichol. He had thought, perhaps
accurately, that the notoriety he gained from the shooting
would help him get into her pants.
Unfortunately for him, he was nabbed by the Secret Service
and quietly killed before the press got wind of any of it.
The same would have happened to Hinckley if his apprehension
were not caught on camera.
Now I know what you're thinking: a second gunman, big deal.
JFK got capped by two assassins and it doesn't mean a thing.
The only lasting effect of the grassy knoll has been to fill
up time slots on the History Channel during the month of
November.
That is indeed a valid point, but it does little to diminish
the far-reaching impact of the attempt on Reagan's life.
After the fall of Nixon and the rise of Anita Bryant, Republicans
and homosexuals were the two most disenfranchised groups in
America. But because of a perceived conflict with parties each
were loyal to (Republicans to fundamentalist Christians, gays to
Judy Garland), it seemed unlikely that a coalition between the
two would ever be formed.
All that changed in 1975 in San Francisco when a gay man thwarted
Sarah Jane Moore's attempt on President Ford's life. The
generosity of this gesture was not lost on the GOP, who immediately
started drilling glory holes into the men's room stalls of their
country clubs as a token of gratitude. In no time flat, leaders
from the two camps began to hold secret meetings to create a
blueprint for the future of America.
Thanks to Hinckley and Spleen (who were ironically both heterosexual
Democrats), the alliance was shattered. The Republicans put the
blame not on the two gun-toting underachievers, but on the protodyke
teases who denied them sex. "If those two little starlets were a little
more willing to lay back and enjoy it," one memo seethed. "Our Press
Secretary would still be able to sneeze without holding his hand
against his forehead."
In the end, ties were severed and the GOP moved headlong into the
homophobic morass it finds itself mired in today. One can only
think wistfully of what America could have been if Hinckley and
Spleen had gotten their respective nut.
-- dave
that's my story an i'm sticking to it